So I quit my job back in December. Although I still considered myself mainly a stay-at-home mom, Tad and I felt that the time I spent at the computer was keeping me from what I really wanted to do, just be a mom. This change has taken me a while to adjust to and I find that I have spent many of my days just more or less spinning my wheels. Granted, games and stories with Chloe as well as playing pretend or whatever else she dictates has been a lot of fun, but there has to be some balance. For too many years I put off projects, only getting about halfway through them, and I had big dreams for getting the projects completed.
I had a sort of epiphany last week as I read a friend's blog and she wrote about her "skinny jeans." I, too, have that seemingly unobtainable dream of being something I'm not (in the personal size department). Six kids in 16 years kind of takes it out of you, especially if the first three were born within 5-1/2 years of each other, from #1 to #4. I love my family but I have decided it's time to find me once again, come back to having an identity other than somebody's mom or the wife. There are no cheerleaders encouraging me on this journey, just my own stubborn will and a hope for being an example for my girls. I guess Chloe has heard it all enough as she asked me today, "Can I exercise too? My tummy's fat." I love how innocent a nearly 4-year-old child can be. I don't want the girls to have negative body images of themselves as I struggled with almost my entire life. They are beautiful, bright, and so creative in their own respective rights. I need to let them know how grateful I am to have been blessed with each and every one of them. Also, as I have told Tad for years, it's his just due after how much he liked the girls before he met me. Now he has an idea of what it's like to be in the father's shoes of a teenager daughter!